It's like a vine you can't untangle.

I must be paranoid. This is absolutely too retarded. But there's this sense of doubt that I'm feeling. It's like.. It's like.. everyone covering themselves up in front of me. They don't want me to see their true side. I lost my mind, I lost my thoughts. My head's spinning like nobody's business.

I thought. I thought I was just freaking out, but now it seems to be true. Everyone, or almost everyone suddenly being nice to you, but asking you for favors here and there. Are these their true sides? Their true feelings? Or are they just making use of me? I don't get it. Tell me, anyone. What is the truth behind all these behaviour? I know no one reads this, that's why I'm willing to blabber everything out here.

But I really need the answers. I want someone, anyone to present me with the truth. Noises are filling up my mind. All kinds of responses lie in my head. Many questions are staying there, unanswered. I need anything. Anything that can clear this up. Because I am seriously freaking out. I cannot go on like this. This is totally absurd, but it's the truth.

And yes, not only YOU are driving me crazy with all your weird behaviour, but everyone else's sudden change in attitude is affecting me. In fact it's scaring me. I'm not used to this, I ain't being clear-headed about this. I'm afraid I'll kill someone in the process.

RAWR. I do have friends and acquaintances, but they are never like that to me. Especially some people. It was like a sudden revolution, and everyone was not nice to you but they suddenly becomes so nice to you. It's scary. And even scarier than those horror movies. This is the horror of reality. And I cannot adapt to it.

-natalie.

All this time I was wasting; hoping you would come around.

I'm not harming you or disturbing you in any way.
You live your life, I live mine.
Stop making me think that I've offended you, because I haven't.
And I'll never get a chance to.
*headdesks*

revived this just because of you.
JUST GO AND LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE AND DON'T BOTHER ME!
Don't even think why am I appearing in front of you every single time.
Because I don't know why either.
You know something?
You're driving me crazy.
Just because you are.

Get away from me. And don't ever bother me again. Don't ever.

-Natalie

PS. Seriously. I'll really hate you if you do.

Tell me why, it's so hard to forget.

And yes, by request of sihui; here's the update! Hiatus was... not fun at all. All I do in school was to listen in class (I tried) and then recess, then studystudystudy. Of course nothing was interesting for me to dwell about. After exams, all I did was facebook-mousehunting and hph-ing. Yup, I have totally no life in these past three months. Well, my life was to grumble and complain about how some people always tend to irritate me. and of course, to change my route home everyday, the stuff I listen everyday, and almost everything. Life has been... crazy.

I am so sorry this post would be boring because I can't talk about everything I did without pictures, and apparently this laptop of mine is.. empty. Even the wallpaper is the default windows vista one. I'm pissed off at my desktop because the IE refuses to work and the browser auto-shuts 2 seconds after it appears. I've deleted and re-downloaded every single crap thing and it still doesn't work. Whatever. I'll do with FF on that first. (I can't even download Google Chrome there!) *Headdesks*

Nevertheless, Sundays are the best. My housework would be done, and I can almost do whatever I want! Almost, yes. And.. Whatever. I WILL not say anything. Because it's too crappy. Actually it's just tuition, even though I keep saying I want to sleep.

As I continue to ramble about random stuff... Holiday homework pwns. Owns, whatever. Ok fine, I give up. Because I simply do no know what to write. People don't visit anyway. So why do I care!(:

On a last note, Taylor Swift and Lucas Till is awesome! Especially You Belong With Me! Because I love the MV! since Lucas Till's in it! Aww man I feel like a crazy woman. Nevermind.

Taylor Swift- You Belong With Me

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself
Hey isnt this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understand you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me

-Natalie:D

Silence is golden; Ignorance is bliss.

090309
This sucks. We can’t find any info in NLB on benzene, and we cannot use articles from websites… What now? LOL. CID is… totally going nowhere. Now we need to find people from NUS to allow us to get in to NUS repository something. Now doing safety-write up on benzene. A carcinogenic substance=causes cancer. And yes, we’re working on it, for the benefit of mankind! LOL. Yeah. I’m copying and pasting every single thing I found from the web in word and I’m not doing anything about it. Now it is 15 pages of repetitive stuff which I didn’t even edit. I am sick of shortening stuff and paraphrasing them to make them my “own words”. If we were to do that for everything, then we can perhaps paraphrase the whole of Shakespeare’s works and make it our own. Wow. Then that’ll we earn us a Nobel Prize! LOL. I’m joking. Serious. I can’t even understand what Shakespeare is taking about in some of his plays, how can I even paraphrase it? I practically forgot everything about Macbeth and blah stuff. Whatever. I will TRY HARDER. (in paraphrasing the whole research thing I’ve compiled)

150309
Oh man. Why is this world so small! I’ll be so dead later. & I swear I’ll run away to the depths of the center if I ever see any of them. I swear. Yes, I said die 就 die, but now I confirmed I am dead.

160309
Yes. I died terribly. But I didn’t see them. Just that I had a problem with the flood and my shoe. I shall name yesterday the series of unfortunate events. Serious! My fringe was screwed after cutting, and that stupid embarrassing situation I had at the road junction when the road was pretty flooded, and then my phone blasted the song I hated most during tuition suddenly, DAMNIT man. Yesterday was such a NICEE day out.

But still, after tuition, everything was ok! (except my screwed fringe) && I’m going to get my LAPTOP!!! But my mum said that she will safeguard it because my sister has already got one laptop so this laptop will be kept for reserve use. *screams* HAIZ. Nevermind, I’ll find a way to persuade her to let me use that laptop!

OOPS. After like 3 hours I totally forgot about bingle’s request.. HAHA. Okok.

MARCH HOLIDAY’S HOMEWORK LIST
LA-NONE!
HCL-NONE!
MATHS-WS 2d
MATHS- revision paper + dig out all yr 3 notes
BIO- microscope practical
BIO-concept map
CHEM- assignment except question 5
PHY- do all MCQ questions on magnetism and static electricity—with DETAILED explanation
PHY- do 5 other structured questions of your choice (copy questions)
[for phy; do all on foolscap, using ten year series or any assessment book]
SS GEOG- your report on food shortage!
CID- research on reaction of benzene and start on EoM + get a logbook
CCA-purpose of lines by TOMORROW!!!
CIP-get CIP hours for 2B07 and settle CIP for EL & 2B09.

Yeah bingle, you owe me one there! HAHA. & I think you should know what doesn’t concern you lah, huh? LOL.

Ok… That’s about it I guess.
&& yes! JIAYOU SYF CAST!!! [we did it in Catholic High, we can do it again every rehearsal in school/ACS BARKER!!!]
We can reach our target, people. Just listen out to what we have to say about the performance on Sat tomorrow! (what the other schools feel about our play)

-natalie

Life's like a smokescreen; you can never see the truth.

Sorry, I had been slacking and being on a hiatus for 2 months!?! Sorry. Was busy with school work/school crap and hph! Yeah; hph was something really stupid, but I love it anyways. Had been really emo throughout the whole of February. It’s just not a month for me this year. And yes, if some are still in the dark, I’ve changed seats. Just like after 2 months? And I’m being separated from the “outside world” by 5 guys surrounding me. It’s really that BAD. Nevertheless with all these emo stuff, I’m still glad I had many people standing by me(:

&& yes! Pulau Semakau Fieldtrip! I still haven’t sent xinhui and charlenetan those photos! It was so damn fun (even though we were once again, being thrown out of our class), we—or rather I—kept snapping photos of everything I see. It’s really clean, without any foul smell or whatever. Let’s have class chalet there! LOL. I lazy upload photos here lah. I shall try to convince my hands to click on the upload button later.

This term is almost over, and I think it sucked. So many things happening, I can’t even imagine running through this whole tunnel. Bad this, bad that. Ohmygod, I survived this term! But it’s true: What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger! I’m sure all of us will survive this whole year and get good results! (own the level in math esp.) Let’s show it to the school, 4L. We can do it. Noob to those who think we suck.

Yesyes, I do have a lot of things to say. After all I was on a HIATUS for such a long time.

Being casted as Fatty Wong was actually a surprising thing for me. To even be in cast was surprising enough. But now I hold an important role in the play. Fatty Wong: the boy girl who is desperate about buns. The girl who has the weirdest personality ever. The girl who hates GUOWEI. Yes. I’m the wonderful FATTYWONG. I admit, it’s not that hard since I look like the character physically; I don’t have to expand my body as much as those small sized juniors. But my shrill voice and my lack of expression/purpose in actions totally pulls everything down. That’s really bad. Perhaps during PE lessons when I run I’m going to start saying my lines. Juniors told me that I was perhaps the only senior that hasn’t gone mad. Yeah. I realised I’m the only one that hasn’t said anything much throughout everything and stuff. I was the one who keeps mum all the time. The one that nods to everything the others say. You know why> Because I can’t say anything. I’m not exactly good in my acting, I can’t just start saying I gave so much energy and blah stuff. I get criticised for my own acting, how can I go around telling others how good I was? I can’t and I don’t have anything to say, of course I wasn’t mad. HAHA. But what the rest said was true. We actually sucked in the past few sessions. But for yesterday’s and today’s sessions, I thought it was a lot better, in terms of energy. Of course, I need to work on my scenes. Everyone must work harder yeah? Showcase at Catholic High next Sat—JIAYOUS PEOPLE! We can do it.

New Classic - Drew Seeley & Selena Gomez



Like New Classic from Another Cinderella story[Drew Seeley; Selena Gomez]:
Ooohh, uh
Oh, Oh
Oh, yeah
Ever tried to reach for something
But it's someone else's dream?
Every step that you take forward
Takes you right back where you've been
And then when you least expect it
And you tried about everything
Somebody hears your opinion
Somebody cares what you say

You woke me up
No longer tired
With you I feel inspired
You helped me find my fire (uh)

You're the new classic
You're the new PYT
Stands for paid, young and taking on the world
From the driver's seat
You look so classic, fantastic
When you own that floor
Bring the beat back once more
Let me see you do that, oh

Tryin' to do it right
Ain't no rehearsal, it's your life
When you're doing this crazy dance
Cause you're making these crazy plans

Because this is not a test
You put in work to be the best (oh)
It's a classic take on a brand new game
Before the needle drops,
They're gonna know your name
When it gets old don't lose the love
You're cold I'll warm you up (you up)
Your fire's hot enough, enough, enough, enough, enough

You're the new classic
You're the new PYT
Stands for paid, young and trying everything
Just to touch your dreams
You look so classic, fantastic
When you own that floor
Bring the beat back once more (bring it back once more)
Let me see you do that

It's become so hard
For me to be surprised
You're bringing back the real me
No judgment in your eyes
Cause when I dance with you
It's how I speak the truth
It's just classic when we met
And how you made me move

You're the new classic
You're the new PYT
Stands for paid, young and taking on the world
From the driver's seat
You look so classic, fantastic
When you own that floor
Bring the beat back once more
(Bring the beat back once more)

You're the new classic
You're the new PYT
Cause you’re paid, young and taking on the world
From the driver's seat
You look so classic, fantastic
When you own that floor
Bring the beat back once more
(Bring it back, bring it back)
Let me see you do that

You're the new classic (yeah)
You're the new PYT (the new PYT)
Stands for paid young
And you took the chance to believe in me
You’re the new classic, fantastic,
When you own that floor
Bring the beat back once more (bring it back once more)
Let me see you do that

We’re the new classic, people, & we’re DEFINITELY the new PYT.
SO LET’S BRING THE BEAT BACK ONCE MORE!

-natalie.

I'm going through the same day'
Same place, same way I always do.
Then I saw you from the corner of my eye;
And it hit me like a ton of bricks, I can't lie.
You got to me, boy.
My life was alright living in black and white,
But you changed my point of view.
Hurry up and save me;
I just wanna feel alive,
And I do when I'm with you.
-Tiffany Giardina: Hurry up and save me

i miss 2b.
i want the 2b days back.
being with 2b-ians lift my spirits up.
i want the past back.
please.
i know you'll never come back, but i want the times back.
even if they were just flashbacks.
as long as i can experience those times again.
from sec 1 orientation,
to end of sec 1,
from sec 2 days;
west malaysia;
E&C camp;
dengue CIP;
CIP at fsc;
last day of school;
all those learning journeys;
as long as i can experience them again,
i'm contented.
seriously,
i want 2b times back.
-natalie
i want the past.
not the present;
with the f-ing people.
screw yourselves, people., i hate you.
i seriously want you to get out of my life.
as soon as possible.
so i can get a decent life again.

17012009-sparkswinds concert!
haha. i had to go for tuition before meeting them, then someone commented i was overdressed. ok thanks loh. everything i'm wearing is my sister's fyi. i had to rush to cityhall to meet the rest of 2Bians, and the whole lot of them were at mosburger with terence, so i can only sit there, since i can't buy a meal and finish it within 10 mins. then we set off to SCH, reaching there at ard 0720? it was there i realised the others got circle seats and i got stall ones! like damn. but luckily i could sneak in to the circle seats. hee. spotted 4L and 2I guys right infront of us, which included someone and someone! haha. they damn close loh. *guy pulls girl away to leave the hall* HAHA. the concert was amazing. i didnt know percussion solos were so nice! perhaps because i bias bah. then the saxophone was amazing. then the solos were cool. in short, it was MARVELLOUS! haha. love sparkswinds! if only el alumni's can come together and put up a combined show like this. I'd love it. i didn't really get to see sebby or yiming up close, but i know they looked cool and perfect up there. whatever.
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FATTYWONG, as usual on tuesday, and i am el cip rep now!! haha. will try my very best, but it's a little hard, since i need to find cip for 2b first. haha. why not el go zoo do cip? i bet it'll be really fun! zz was sick, and nich went off early, then i'm like alone, so i keep talking and signalling to thin air, like shit. and after that we had to rehearse outside the studio, because it was really cold in the studio. then those sjab people walk past and saw us, including bingle loh. then i keep like punching thin air and stuff, it's really wierd. haha. went home with jesslyn and jonathan the junior by red line. WOO. i love the red line! hehheh.
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badminton! haiz. i cant serve that far. felt damn useless. HAIZZZZZ. and i always hit the shuttle with the metal part of my racket, plus i keep missing the position if the shuttle. must practisepractise! lessons were usual, but pdp was like lol. i haven say finish that freaking sentence loh. stupid. always zhen dui me 1 loh; stupid. then there was cca leaders investiture. jesslyn our yr 5 CCA leader!!! hehhehheh. then after school was some moe audition for something. the seniors spoofed survivor, then there was a maid(sonjia), bimbo(weilin), mad woman(jesslyn), genius(nicholas), the host(ningqian), plus me, the wierd version of fattywong, and only wants to eat. i call it the retarded food finder. whatever, whether i make it or not, i just take the decision. HA.
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today was nothing in particular, like lessons and lessons, then had to stay a while to finish zuowen. haiz. went home myself and i'm dying in the hands of cid and differentiation now. stupid. i give up on homework, tomorrow then slowly reference. HAIZ. plus test on 020209, i'm so going to fail it. DAMN. whatever, i bring notes go my grandma hse study(:

haha, 4JKLM! or MLJK, whatever.
shit. sunday no tuition. haizzzz.
at least cny coming! got angbao!!!
hehheh, plus new specs! WOOHOO!

-natalie

NATALIE natalagolamoon.
yup. that's my name with that retarded nickname!

17081993= LEO.= fifteenplusplus. sixteen

woodlandsringprimary 6W105,
rivervalleyhigh oneblizzard06/twobiantai07,
rveldds,3lil-lamposts08/
4large-lamposts09! are the loves!
perhaps, him though.

sometimes it's hard to know what wrong with yourself,
but it's definitely the truth if you've tried.
& that's what I did;
I tried.